Review your draft for pacing and sentence variety. Choose one sentence to revise either the pacing or sentence structure. In the space provided, list your original sentence, the revision, and an explanation of why you chose to revise that sentence. (Please put exact answer from Edmentum or Plato)
Narrative:
Rochelle sipped on her third mug of French roast with a twist of hazelnut as she waited for Marigold. She remembered that Marigold was always on time. So where was she? Rochelle picked up the yearbook that she had brought with her. Marigold, a girl with flaming red hair and large hazel eyes, was standing next to her in the photo. Even then, Marigold was a bit of a mystery to Rochelle.

Rochelle was lost in thought when someone tapped her on her shoulder. She was surprised to find that the hand belonged to a police officer. He asked her if she knew Marigold. When Rochelle said yes, he handed her a package wrapped in paper. Rochelle was confused and scared. Was something wrong with her friend? "Is she okay? I just spoke to her," Rochelle whispered.

"I’m her brother," said the officer. That’s when Rochelle noticed the same hazel eyes. "She sent something special for you."

"But where is Marigold?" cried Rochelle. The man calmed her and asked her to open the package. Rochelle unwrapped it. Inside was an envelope containing an airplane ticket to Barcelona and a note.

Rochelle didn’t know what to do. The officer smiled, turned around, and left. Rochelle read Marigold’s note and smiled. Rochelle remembered the day both of them had planned to go to Spain. The girl with the hazel eyes was making that dream come true.

Answers

Answer 1

Answer:

Here is ur answr!!

Explanation:

Original sentence: She was surprised to find that the hand belonged to a police officer.

Revision: She was shocked to find that the cold hand had belonged to a tall police officer dressed in black, gray, and blue.

Why I chose this one: I chose this one because it didn't have enough detail in it.

HOPE IT HELPS!!

ALL THE BEST!!


Related Questions

Which of these sentences has the best word order for clearest meaning?

The boy with little hands played the piano.
The boy played the piano with little hands.
The boy played with little hands the piano.

Answers

the boy with little hands played the piano

HELPPPP ASAPPP! 100 POINTS + BRAINILEST!!!!!!
Read the Passage, and answer the 3 questions with small explanations! Thanks! :)

(SUPER EASY IF YOU READ THE PASSAGE)

Memories of a Memory

Have you ever witnessed something amazing, shocking or surprising and found when describing the event that your story seems to change the more you tell it? Have you ever experienced a time when you couldn't really describe something you saw in a way that others could understand? If so, you may understand why some experts think eyewitness testimony is unreliable as evidence in scientific inquiries and trials. New insights into human memory suggest human memories are really a mixture of many non-factual things.

First, memory is vague. Imagine your room at home or a classroom you see every day. Most likely, you could describe the room very generally. You could name the color of the walls, the floors, the decorations. But the image you describe will never be as specific or detailed as if you were looking at the actual room. Memory tends to save a blurry image of what we have seen rather than specific details. So when a witness tries to identify someone, her brain may recall that the person was tall, but not be able to say how tall when faced with several tall people. There are lots of different kinds of "tall."

Second, memory uses general knowledge to fill in gaps. Our brains reconstruct events and scenes when we remember something. To do this, our brains use other memories and other stories when there are gaps. For example, one day at a library you go to quite frequently, you witness an argument between a library patron and one of the librarians. Later, when telling a friend about the event, your brain may remember a familiar librarian behind the desk rather than the actual participant simply because it is recreating a familiar scene. In effect, your brain is combining memories to help you tell the story.

Third, your memory changes over time. It also changes the more you retell the story. Documented cases have shown eyewitnesses adding detail to testimony that could not have been known at the time of the event. Research has also shown that the more a witness's account is told, the less accurate it is. You may have noticed this yourself. The next time you are retelling a story, notice what you add, or what your brain wants to add, to the account. You may also notice that you drop certain details from previous tellings of the story.

With individual memories all jumbled up with each other, it is hard to believe we ever know anything to be true. Did you really break your mother's favorite vase when you were three? Was that really your father throwing rocks into the river with you when you were seven? The human brain may be quite remarkable indeed. When it comes to memory, however, we may want to start carrying video cameras if we want to record the true picture.

QUESTIONS:

1.) Which line from the text best explains the main problem with recalling details of a scene or room?

You could name the color of the walls, the floors, the decorations
Memory tends to save a blurry image of what we have seen rather than specific details
Her brain may recall that the person was tall, but not be able to say how tall when faced with several tall people
In effect, your brain is combining memories to help you tell the story

2.)Which line from the text best explains why the author suggests we start carrying video cameras?

You may understand why some experts think eyewitness testimony is unreliable
The next time you are retelling a story, notice what you add
With individual memories all jumbled up with each other
The human brain may be quite remarkable indeed

3.) Which line from the text best explains the main reason memories change?

Most likely, you could describe the room very generally.
The more a witness's account is told, the less accurate it is
The next time you are retelling a story, notice what you add
You may also notice that you drop certain details

PLEASE ANSWER CORRECTLY!!!! FOR BRAINILEST!!!!! :)

Answers

Answer:

1. The second line recalls the problem with remembering details of a room or scene because our memories recall blurry pictures, thus causing problems remembering exactly what a room or scene looked/looks like.

2. The third line explains why the author says this because with all memories jumbled up together we have more to go through just to remember a simple story or scene.  

3. The third line tells why memories change because the more you add, the more the story changes.

Explanation:

hope this helps! have a great day!

Answer:

at least you got your answer

Explanation:

"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I've missed the winning shot for my team. I've failed over and over in my career. That's why I succeed." * Michael Jordan. What did Michael Jordan mean in his quote about failure in his career? Interpret the meaning and importance of his quote. Your response should be 2-3 COMPLETE sentences.

Answers

Answer:

Micheal Jordan meant that failure was only a learning lesson. He knew that the only way he would succeed would be for him to learn from his failures. The key is in that second to last sentence – “I’ve failed over and over and over again.” For many people the sting of that first failure is enough to put them off for life. “It wasn’t meant to be,” we tell ourselves or “I gave it a go, that’s enough,” and then we go and look for something else to try, hoping that we will be good at it, and therefore be able to continue. The quote is important to people with an opposite mindset. It could help motivate people who give up to easil.

He’s showing that people learn from their mistakes. He is one of the best players in the world, because he tried so many times. The more times you do something, the more times you’ll fail. But with these failures will come successes, because every time you fail, you become better, you’re learning as you go, and eventually, with hard work and passion, you will succeed.

( DUE TONIGHT BRAINLIEST FOR BEST ON TOPIC ANSWER )In Races Format (Restate, Answer, cite, explain, Sum it up) Write about what are some things that really bold people do? Use the text ( https://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/7-things-really-bold-people-do.html) to write this

Answers

Answer:

what really bold people do is standing up for them slefs and those whomight need a little extra guidance

some people are bold by fasing there fear.

being emotionally strong.

those are the things that are a significance to bold and are things that bold people do.

I love hot fries and jelly beens

How is the simile used in this sentence?

Answers

Answer:

D.

Explanation:

It's implying that they were identical twins, therefore it looked as if Aaron was staring back at him from the mirror.

Answer: I’m pretty sure it’s D

Explanation:

Other Questions
unit rate 18 people in 3 vans 50 POINTS AND BRAINLY TO WHOEVER ANSWERS FIRSTPart of the Supreme Courts ruling in Scott v. Sandford stated thatA.) enslaved people did not have the right to bring a case to court.B.) free African Americans had the same rights as other US citizens.C.) enslaved people could not go into free states or territories.D.) the Missouri Compromise should be upheld. The ratio of the number of adults to the number of students on a field trip has to be 2:11. Last year there was 504 more students on a field trip. If the school is expecting the same attendance this year, how many adults have to attend the field trip? Equivalent Ratios in MeasurementDividing to Find the RatioHow many inches are in 8 feet?Feet3816110Inches36?192IntroDone a boy travelled a distance of 10 km in 2 minutes calculate the speed of that boy Michael is having some _______ potatoes at dinner.a.choppedb.burnedc.mashed YA'LL ARE SMART!! PLEASE HELP!! 1. do you play...... sports?2. how.....legs does a milipede have?3. we didn't see.......pollution in Papua4. Clara has......... interesting books5. how......petrol is there in the car?please answer thank you 5) Emily woks Monday through Friday at a rate of $16.12 per hour. She takes a 1-hour lunch break. If sheclocks in each day at 6:15 A.M. and leaves at 4:15 P.M., what is her total pay for the week? (show yourwork) How can a nation benefit from its hard working citizens? Find the measure of Zx in the figure. How many Bangladeshi city Why did the Harlem renaissance begin in the first place The perimeter of a rectangle must be no greater than 62 meters. The width must be 12meters. Find the greatest possible value for the length of the rectangle.43 meters50 meters74 metersO 19 meters A circle has a circumference of 18cm. What is the diameter of the circle? Find the volume of a cube if an edge has length 5xyz units. Evaluate Expression 15 3|- 4-2| What is the probability that one randomly selected physician is 35-44 years old? What wasneeded in a country for industrialization to take place?